weekend flicks

It's been two fun-filled days of films. The following will not be reviews as such, but reactions.

saturday: Magdalene and I visited a discount theater and saw The Perfect Man. I chose the "film" because I did not want to see the other option, and the perfect man in question was Chris Noth, former Law and Order cop, old school.

But the publicity characters for the movie were Hilary Duff and Heather Locklear. Heather Locklear is a single mom who has nothing on her mind but men. And when she ends up breaking with them, she moves. Is this a psychotic premise? Yes. It does not even sound possible to me.

Much of the movie takes place on blogs and MSN. Ironically, this makes it more realistic... but for the most part it's farfetched. Hilary Duff sets off the sprinkler system in a four-star restaurant in order to prevent two people from meeting inside. She is never found out or charged and feels guilt for all of 24 seconds.

But reality isn't what the movie was going for -- they were going for a mother-daughter teenybopper chickflick. It did provide for a cheap two-hour entertainment.

In the evening, Bandits was on TV. I missed the beginning so I don't know the premises. It was... along the lines of ... a movie I can't remember right now. Cate Blanchett gets bright red hair. It took me half the movie to realize it was her. There's a crazy love triangle that leaves you unsure of whether they're endorsing polygamy or what.

sunday: Two movies were on TV .

First, Evil Under the Sun, based on an Agatha Christie novel. Let me emphasize: based.

For those of you unfamiliar with Agatha Christie, she was a best-selling British mystery writer from the 20s to the 60s. She has two classic characters. The one featured in this movie was Hercule Poirot, a fussy Belgian private detective in London in the 20s-30s.

Poirot is detailed extensively in the books. Any Christie fan knows Poirot's mustache habits and general demeanor. Actor Peter Ustinov is generally acclaimed as the classic portrayor of Poirot, but let me rebel: he was terrible! At one point, he is pretending to swim in the sea in this crazy swimming getup.

1. Poirot would never be caught dead in anything but a suit.
2. Poirot would never, ever feign swimming in such a manner. It was almost like dancing. And Poirot would never dance. Ever.

There were other manerisms written into this script that were utterly ridiculous. Poirot's pride was not humble enough. David Suchet does a far superior job.

The writer left out some of the classic Christie traits in the storyline, i.e. accusing every character during the closing session before ending with the real criminal. Maybe the fault was the TV editor. But still. They went for the goods right off -- what a disappointment.

In short: one does not make films "based" on Agatha Christie. You either make it to the T or you don't bother to steal her characters.

Last is Deep Impact. I wasn't going to watch it. I was going to be productive.

Deep Impact has emotional ties for me -- a first date movie. Sort of. Close enough. They're happy memories. Though the movie is not happy.

Watching it now, I'm noticing:
1. Tea Leoni is not a convincing news anchor.
2. Morgan Freeman is not a convincing leader of the free world.
3. Leelee Sobieski and Elijah Wood have the same elfin body traits.
4. I'm constantly shocked about how similar Deep Impact, Armageddon, and Space Cowboys are, and how close together they were released. Seriously. It's almost like watching the same movie.
5. There are several future West Wing characters in the film. Leo doesn't have enough hair.