woke up here, on this couch. the same couch i watch tv on, type on, read on, eat on.
tuesday -- production day. i was in for it. needed a morning pick-me-up. it was time to find corrie (each new day -- click on link at right).
sifted through the no-longer-bound pages, without bothering to turn a lamp on, to find a july 12 entry. stopped to rub my eyes a bit. they're getting bad again. (i have this bizarre eye problem where i have double rows of eyelashes, and some of them grow backwards into my eye from time to time. the solution is having the optometrist pluck them out -- they're too tiny to see.)
above the day's entry was a red pen circle, likely evidence of a malfunctioning utensil.
the same red pen had marked up within the entry as well. an extra heavy line went through some of it.
Jesus is able to untangle all the snarls in your soul and to banish all complexes. He will transform even your fixed habit patterns, no matter how deeply they are etched in your subconsciousness.
"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask God, who gives to all men generously and without reproaching, and it will be given him" - James 1:5 RSV
We have habits we think we cannot break, attitudes we cannot change. Give us the sense to ask for Your answer, Lord.
now, maybe this is the gospel with sugary-sweet coating on it. maybe it's boiled down too far, without the complexities it truly has. maybe it's far too me-centered and not nearly enough about Him. maybe those snarls serve purposes, will do me good. will do Him good.
but i want to believe it, need it to be true. and it has brought me much comfort before, on at least one other july 12, so it seems. what was happening then? was a subconscious pattern broken?
how does the same God give generously and turn women into salt pillars? why am i spared and not her? i would have turned, too.
i shouldn't be in this for the pick-me-ups.
No comments:
Post a Comment